Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
