He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
