lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
