you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
