Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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