I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
