So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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