I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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