I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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