It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
