i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
