I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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