I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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