just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
