1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
