Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
