how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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