you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
