careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
