woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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