I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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