You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
