i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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