youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
