My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
