I wish I only lived at night.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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