I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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