That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize