My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
