Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
