She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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