my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
