I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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