I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
