You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
