If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
