If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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