i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
