smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
