she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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