he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The beer is more important than you right now.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Someone shattered a urinal.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
