you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
