I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
