my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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