I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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