Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
