I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
