make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
