She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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