I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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