I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize