I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
