Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
