I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
