Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
