Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
