we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
