don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
