No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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