the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
