Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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