Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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