well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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