hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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