The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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