She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
