I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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