I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
