its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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