She's JV to your varsity
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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