If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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