Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
