I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
