If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
